Rather than focusing on your fears, focus on your values. We can create a surprisingly powerful buffer against whatever troubles we are experiencing by staying mindful of the things that matter to us – like family, friends, religious convictions, scientific achievements, great music, and so on.
Researchers led by Geoffrey Cohen and David Sherman have demonstrated that people of all ages in various circumstances, from new schools and relationships to new jobs, can learn by writing about a time when one of their values has positively affected them.
We can rise above the challenge because focusing on our values helps us realize our identity cannot be compromised by a single challenging event.
Fight for the future while accepting the past. Change is never free, but we are always free to decide how to respond to it.
Victor Frankl championed the idea after he returned from three horrifying years in Nazi death camps. When his mother, brother, wife, and unborn child were discovered dead, he was devastated. It had all changed since he was a child. He lost everything he loved. Yet, as fall gave way to winter and winter gave way to spring, Frankl found that even though he could never return to the life he once had, he was still free to make new friends, fall in love, become a father again, work with new patients, and listen to music. Franklin called his hope in the face of despair “tragic optimism.”
Franklin’s story is an extreme example, but that’s all the more reason we can take inspiration from it. When we focus on the limitations of a specific change, we will inevitably succumb to worry, bitterness, and despair.
Our best course of action is to accept that change occurs and employ our freedom to determine how to proceed.
Stability isn’t guaranteed. Salvatore Maddi began studying Illinois Bell employees in the late 1970s while a student at the University of Chicago. Eventually, the phone industry was deregulated, and the company faced many changes. Several managers had difficulty coping with the situation. Others prospered. Is there a difference between the groups?
Adaptive leaders viewed all changes, whether wanted or unwanted, as a part of the human experience rather than as a tragedy that victimized unfortunate individuals. As a result, they did not feel personally attacked by ignorant leaders, evil legislators, or an unfair universe but remained focused on their work and looked for opportunities to improve customer service and tweak antiquated pricing structures.
Compared to the struggling leaders, Maddi found that they were consumed with thoughts of “the good old days.” First, they tried to figure out why their luck had suddenly changed. Then, to travel back in time, they tried to find a place and time that no longer exist.
Even though each of these six techniques requires a different set of skills – and you’ll gravitate towards some more than others – there is one thing you must-do if you want to deal with change effectively: accept it.
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